Friday, May 23, 2008
The frame is frozen in my mind: Sitting beside Ethan on the living room carpet, discussing his SA1 results. I had asked him if he was happy with his result. He shook his head ever so slightly, lowered his head and wiped a tear from his eyes. Twice. My heart grieved for my son.
Moments earlier, we were rejoicing with David for coming in first in his class. We believed that David expected it, so we were playing down his expectations the night before.
Right from the begining, Ethan had not wanted to go to the parent-teacher conference scheduled for that morning. So we knew that he was worried. As it turned out, he came in 11/30 with 85.8%.
How do we instill confidence in a disappointed child? How do we demonstrate our belief in him without chiding? How do we affirm that the child has intrinsic self worth in spite of a stumble?
On the flip side, how do we praise and yet not pedestalize achievement? How can we instill humility when there's every reason for pride? How can we affirm and encourage a child eager to please?
We suspect we will continue to struggle with these questions in the months and years to come.
For that moment, all I could think of was this:
Since the form teacher noted that the top 10 did well, how many points separate 11th and 10th position? Maybe 0.2% or 1 question? So if he had one less careless mistake, that would bring him to 10th. What if he eliminated half the careless mistakes? At this point, Ethan brightened up and said 4th or 5th! My next question was: Do you think you can do it?
Ethan replied without hesitation, "Yes!"
